Mar 24, 2018

Star Wars Aliens


So, when I was a kid, I misunderstood many of the characters in the original Star Wars trilogy. 

So, they're all aliens, even the humany ones...but some aliens are definitely aliens, like Chewbacca or the Mos Eisley band, but as a kid I thought some of those were basically humans, but like fairy tale metaphors for humans.

Yoda: I thought he was basically human, but he was small and wrinkly with big ears because he was so incredibly old and wise. In my life, old people always seemed to be shrinky with big ears and shabby clothes. He was just the extreme of that, not an altogether different species. Really disappointed when the prequels came out and it turned out he was another species, an unnamed race with few other members ever (barely) shown onscreen. 

Jabba the Hutt: He was also basically a human, but he was giant because he was so incredibly greedy and gluttonous. Over time he had become his vice.

Darth Vader actually was basically human, but …you know how when you leave a shoe on too long and your foot gets all stinky and weird and pruney? His skin was a mess because he was rotting inside this suit that he depended on. Maybe it helped give him his super-powers, and he was addicted to the power and it made him all rotten on the inside. Instead, he was all burned up and he'd had three limbs cut off with one swipe, physics be damned. After all, he did not have the high ground.

Again, I was a kid, the idea of the force-magic wasn’t pre-eminent, and besides, if he’s so good with the force, why don’t you use it to pump your stupid lungs? Walking around in a bacteria-filled hospital bed…oooh it’s black leather? Yeah. You’re gross. 


No comments: